1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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