i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
