why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
