I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
