figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
