Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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