Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
