I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
