dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
babies were throwing up all over the place
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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