this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
