wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
