i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
