it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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