After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
