She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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