I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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