you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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