Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
