Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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