you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
