i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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