Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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