I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
