She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
