fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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