I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
