her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
