Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
