I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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