So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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