No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
