I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
