If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
