dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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