you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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