After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
