Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
