You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
