I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
