God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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