So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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