you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
