The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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