just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
