ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
