watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
