Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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