He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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