Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
