Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
